Something That Matters

I want to write about something that matters, something that people care about, something that will change people. Currently I am reading Strength to Love by Martin Luther King Jr, AMAZING! The sermon that has most stuck out to me so far is On Being a Good Neighbor (Luke 10:29). I like to think that my goal in life is to show love to others. Some may say this is corny, maybe impossible or impractical, but I say it is what we are called to do.
MLK Jr talks about altruism and it's different forms. For those that don't know, altruism is defined as "the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others." Three types of altruism are talked about in this sermon; universal, dangerous, and excessive.
Universal altruism looks beyond "race, religion, and nationality." You look outside your nation, your group, and you see a human like yourself. Dangerous altruism is overcoming the fear you may have of helping someone. "I imagine the first question the priest and the Levite asked was: "if I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But by the very nature of his concern, the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" The good Samaritan engaged in dangerous altruism." I think people who participate in dangerous altruism are brave people, not only overcoming challenges around them but also within themselves. The third altruism is excessive altruism. The good Samaritan didn't stop at making sure the man was safe but took it upon himself to give up his horse (or mule or whatever he was riding) and got himself dirty helping this guy. Excessive altruism is the difference of doing something for someone and doing something with someone.
The sermon goes into quite a bit of detail and I would encourage everyone to read it, religious or not, I think you would get something from it. Reading Strength to Love I understand at a new level exactly why Martin Luther King Jr is a great man. He stood for humanity and justice and lived as an amazing example of how all people should live, not for ourselves but for others.
So next time you are about to walk by someone ask yourself, "what will happen to them if I don't stop?" Stop thinking about yourself.

Amazing Grace

So this is my third post tonight but I have had a lot on my mind and not much time to write. This last weekend there was an episcopal conference in Laramie and Cathedral Home hosted a breakfast for them one of the days. I was volunteered for it by my boss (who if he is reading this, is awesome). I was not looking forward to waking up at 4:30 to go serve people breakfast but all the same I went. I am thankful I did.
The kids performed some songs and one girl sang Amazing Grace. Not only did she sing Amazing Grace, she owned it. Tears are coming to my eyes just thinking about it. I was not facing the stage, my back was to the stage and I got to see everyone else react to her. It reminded me of the moment where when the bride comes into the church and you stand to watch her. I love watching the groom, seeing his adoring face staring at his bride. That was how I felt but times 20. There were old men holding their chins, trying not to show they were crying, women wiping tears from their eyes trying to remove anything that might prevent them from seeing this girl sing. It was amazing. I cried. (and then I laughed because this is one of those times 10 years ago I would have made fun of my mom for crying)
Find something and make it yours, live a passionate life.

My Future

I think a lot. My mind is constantly going; whether it is day-dreaming, contemplating my future, thinking about the present, or reflecting over something I am reading or learning about. My last birthday was full of thinking. Over the last few years I have had a lot of changes in my life, seems on my birthday I would focus on the happy things but instead I just kept thinking about how my life wasn't exactly how I thought it would be: the good and the bad.
Up until the age of 16, I thought I would be a veterinarian, then I got a job at a vet office. At the time I was obsessed with CSI so I changed the idea of my future to forensic psychologist. Then I got to college and thought, "math teacher!" Three years later, two math classes failed I decided maybe math wasn't the direction I should go. At the time I had a job working with at-risk youth and decided to go back into psychology and go on to get my masters in counseling. Fast forward another three years, I am completely burnt out at school and feeling pretty burnt out at work as well.
Don't get me wrong, I love what I do but it is a draining job. I am a very compassionate-empathetic person and take on a lot of the grief that the kids have. I have gotten a lot better at being able to take myself out of their problems but I don't know that I don't want to not feel what they are feeling. What happens in a few more years when I don't hurt when I hear a story about abuse? I don't want to become hard, emotionless.
This feeling is a big reason why I decided to take the next year off, I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I kind of think it sucks that I have to make that decision. Next Monday I have an appointment with a career advisor to help me decide my future. I really hope I can figure something out because I don't want to be stuck in Laramie the rest of my life. I also want to do something worthwhile with my future!

Love Languages

I love taking personality quizzes and reading different personality things. It is probably my nerdy pop-psychology side speaking but I also just love gaining insight into myself and other people. Sometimes, I think those profiles put into words who I am without me realizing it. Sometimes, the profiles are pretty far off. One profile I love is the Love Languages. I think I love it because I love showing people that I care for them but people have different ways of receiving and giving love.
I think it is important to know this because for example I love receiving and giving quality time but many people may like to receive or get gifts. It is helpful to know this because I have a super wonderful amazing grandma that loves to buy things when she visits. Sometimes this annoys me because we can't stop until we find the perfect gift; I hate shopping. For me to know this is probably one of her top Love Languages is important because I can see that she is showing me she loves me and cares for me. Really, I am just happy being with her, I don't need her to buy me anything!
You can take the Love Language Quiz too! I had talked a lot about the Love Languages but have never actually taken the quiz. I knew Quality Time and Words of Encouragement were my top two but had never realized how extreme each one was but it makes sense...

12 Quality Time
6 Words of Encouragement
6 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch
1 Receiving Gifts

What makes you passionate?

I woke up early this morning at 3. Not because I had to, just because it happened. I have never, not once just woke up and not been able to go back to bed. I took a melatonin about 9pm last night and went to bed at 11pm. I often toss and turn in my sleep but always go back to sleep. I read, I played on facebook, I journaled... it was productive and insightful time but I was awake after 4 hours of sleep! Today has been okay despite the lack of sleep. I went to an amazing training for work today.

The training was about anger and how to work with kids that are angry. I am pretty excited about what I learned today and what I am going to learn tomorrow. The thing about delinquents, they are angry and don't know what to do with it. I think the number one thing that I learned today is that anger isn't bad. It's what we do with anger that can be bad. Think about the positives that anger has provided....

Most social change came about because some got angry. To learn what you are passionate about, think about what makes you angry. I get so angry when people don't treat others fairly. I get angry when people don't have compassion for others and can't put themselves in other people's shoes. I get angry when people can't take care of their pets, when they are abandoned and not fed and not spayed or neutered, UGH!!! I am passionate about love (helping others) and justice (standing up for those who can't). What are you passionate about?

Another thing on my mind is life's coincidences. I have been reading a lot, different blogs, different books, news and today so many things related to what I have been reading. I think it is God's way of saying "this is important!" When a teacher is teaching you something, they don't just do it once and leave it, they bring it up multiple times, they give you homework, and you have class discussions on it. God is teaching me a lot right now, which is good because I have decided to take this year off from school and it is good to keep that brain active!

My day doing nothing.

So today has been awesome. Not because I went on some extraordinary adventure but because I just sat around doing nothing. Seriously, the most I did today was let a friend borrow my cat to catch a mouse in her apartment and yell profanities at the vacuum because it is the most retarded appliance I have ever dealt with; pet hair vacuum my ass! (Anyone out there reading my blog is more than welcome to buy me a new one... I will give you my address)

I made a lovely pot of coffee this morning when I woke up, I watched some TV, I have spent more time on facebook today than I have in the last 30 days, I will be watching more TV, I am thinking about eating dinner but that involves more effort than I think I am willing to do at the moment. Only one call from work so far and I redirected it to my boss (because it was a boss question, not because I am that lazy). Days like today are completely rare in my book.

Let me leave you with this... I have next Saturday off and I can't wait. I don't remember the last Saturday I had off (though it couldn't have been THAT long ago but not recent enough)!!!

Two in one day!

I know I posted something already today but I have been thinking a lot since then (good thinking). This afternoon I went to a training for work about having difficult conversations. I am a very non confrontational person. Not only do I avoid confrontation but even when it seeks me out I am so laid back that I don't react how most people would. I don't get offended easily and I don't often become defensive. Though these characteristics are true of me I have been sucked into the "empty pit". Relating this to a previous post, I am a protector and can get sucked into being a "caretaker". Caretaker in this situation means you are constantly trying to help someone but it is draining you personally/professionally because they (and you) have turned you into their personal therapist (which is not part of your job description). I have been the therapist and it really drug me down. Not only was I exhausted at work but I was exhausted in all areas of my life.

Luckily I got out of that situation. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it myself. My boss had to save me (which I am very grateful for). I did attempt to break out of the situation but gave up when my attempts didn't seem to make a difference. I hope that if I find myself in a similar situation in the future that I will not give up on myself and that I can confront that person and set up appropriate boundaries. Maybe I can even avoid being the caretaker.