Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Love is in the air.

I don't really know what I am feeling right now  but I wish I wasn't.  Now based on the title you may be put off by that sentence but I am not the one in love, I am the observer, making me jealous.  I hate when I am jealous.  Why am I jealous?  Because everyone and their dog is getting married or dating someone or has some kind of potential and where am I?  Alone, with my dog, sad. 

Not that it is really that sad.  I am happy, until I start comparing myself with others.  Why is it I can't just be happy in the situation I am in?  I have a good job, good friends, I am enjoying school, I have a new car, and I am busy!  Yet, three people, this week have become engaged, what the heck!?!?  I mean, I don't want to be engaged right now but sometime, in the future, I would like to be.  Is there anything wrong with that?  UGH! 

Is there anything wrong with wanting to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, a man to protect and hold you?  But no, I am stuck with Sarah and Olive!  Haha, that sounds awful!  I love Sarah, she is one of my best friends and I love Olive, she is my wonderful dog but I certainly can't make a future with either of them, can I?  Sure, I see them in my future but I don't see them making a future with me!

I am sure I will get over my jealousy.  I am happy for each of these people, I am but really, when is my turn?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The nicest person award goes to... me?

Am I too nice?  Is there such a thing as being too nice?  I find it hard to believe that anyone can be too nice.  Is it maybe that others are not nice enough?  Christ states in John 15:17 "This is my command: Love each other."  Isn't being nice part of showing love?  I guess the next question is, "what is love?"  Simple enough it seems.  People fall in love every day but I also see people fall out of love quickly.  I see the traumatic lives the kids I work with have led and I wonder, "would they be here if they had been loved?"  I can't answer that but based on my observations and studies I would say "no!" 

So, what is love?  Is love the twitter you get in your heart when you see the person you are crushing on?  Or maybe it is that warm feeling you get when you get a card from a grandparent, for no reason other than that you are their grandchild.  Could it be that love is what you feel on your wedding day, looking into the eyes of the one you want to spend the rest of life with.  Is it when you do an act for someone without them knowing it was you?  OR, that feeling you get walking through the park with your dog in complete silence.  Maybe it is all of these.  The world has many definitions of what love is but my favorite is found in the Bible

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." ~1John 3:16-18

I think this verse sums up nicely that I am not too nice and you can't be too nice.  Coming into work for someone who is sick is good, lending a friend $100 is generous, writing your grandparents emails, I am sure is much appreciated, helping someone paint their room even though you're afraid of standing on ladders is helpful; but shouldn't we be doing this because Christ laid down his life for us, not because we are wanting some monetary reward? 

I hope, that my life shines as an example to others.  Not because I want to feel good about myself or because I will benefit from it later but because it is the right thing to do.  I often wonder why I continuously go to work when I know I am probably going to get the "F" bomb dropped to my ears sometime that day but I know that these kids need to be loved.  I could easily stop money going to United Way, but what is $20 a month?  If it means I have to skip a meal then so be it but I am not doing it because I have to or for a reward later on.  I am doing because someone out there has probably had to skip more than one meal.

Though today, nay, this year has been stressful; I think it has been one in which I have grown immensely and am continuously growing as a believer in Christ and personally.  I will continue to give until I have no more to give, in which case, I will be dead!