Thursday, October 14, 2010

True Love

I think love is something most people long for. Whether it is to be loved by a friend, a parent, or that "special" someone. Thing is, today that special someone seems like a foreign idea. With a divorce rate above 50%, people seem to move from relationship to relationship like a pair of shoes it is easy to be scared of love. I am terrified. But today brought one of the moments of hope... maybe I will be one of the people that doesn't get a divorce, that lives happily ever after, raising a ruckus with my spouse. Today, I saw one of those couples that you know are still in love despite 50 years of marriage to each other.
One day I hope to find a love that will last. One, where it doesn't matter what I say, it is awesome. Where we can laugh and cry together. We can run out of things to say but it won't matter because we are still happy just being near each other. Some say I have my sites set too high, but if you don't set them high you don't find the best. On a side note, I am surprised how corny this post is because I am on my period and I am an angry bitter person on my period... so times this by ten and you might have how I really feel about this lovely subject of love.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Something That Matters

I want to write about something that matters, something that people care about, something that will change people. Currently I am reading Strength to Love by Martin Luther King Jr, AMAZING! The sermon that has most stuck out to me so far is On Being a Good Neighbor (Luke 10:29). I like to think that my goal in life is to show love to others. Some may say this is corny, maybe impossible or impractical, but I say it is what we are called to do.
MLK Jr talks about altruism and it's different forms. For those that don't know, altruism is defined as "the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others." Three types of altruism are talked about in this sermon; universal, dangerous, and excessive.
Universal altruism looks beyond "race, religion, and nationality." You look outside your nation, your group, and you see a human like yourself. Dangerous altruism is overcoming the fear you may have of helping someone. "I imagine the first question the priest and the Levite asked was: "if I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But by the very nature of his concern, the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" The good Samaritan engaged in dangerous altruism." I think people who participate in dangerous altruism are brave people, not only overcoming challenges around them but also within themselves. The third altruism is excessive altruism. The good Samaritan didn't stop at making sure the man was safe but took it upon himself to give up his horse (or mule or whatever he was riding) and got himself dirty helping this guy. Excessive altruism is the difference of doing something for someone and doing something with someone.
The sermon goes into quite a bit of detail and I would encourage everyone to read it, religious or not, I think you would get something from it. Reading Strength to Love I understand at a new level exactly why Martin Luther King Jr is a great man. He stood for humanity and justice and lived as an amazing example of how all people should live, not for ourselves but for others.
So next time you are about to walk by someone ask yourself, "what will happen to them if I don't stop?" Stop thinking about yourself.

Amazing Grace

So this is my third post tonight but I have had a lot on my mind and not much time to write. This last weekend there was an episcopal conference in Laramie and Cathedral Home hosted a breakfast for them one of the days. I was volunteered for it by my boss (who if he is reading this, is awesome). I was not looking forward to waking up at 4:30 to go serve people breakfast but all the same I went. I am thankful I did.
The kids performed some songs and one girl sang Amazing Grace. Not only did she sing Amazing Grace, she owned it. Tears are coming to my eyes just thinking about it. I was not facing the stage, my back was to the stage and I got to see everyone else react to her. It reminded me of the moment where when the bride comes into the church and you stand to watch her. I love watching the groom, seeing his adoring face staring at his bride. That was how I felt but times 20. There were old men holding their chins, trying not to show they were crying, women wiping tears from their eyes trying to remove anything that might prevent them from seeing this girl sing. It was amazing. I cried. (and then I laughed because this is one of those times 10 years ago I would have made fun of my mom for crying)
Find something and make it yours, live a passionate life.

My Future

I think a lot. My mind is constantly going; whether it is day-dreaming, contemplating my future, thinking about the present, or reflecting over something I am reading or learning about. My last birthday was full of thinking. Over the last few years I have had a lot of changes in my life, seems on my birthday I would focus on the happy things but instead I just kept thinking about how my life wasn't exactly how I thought it would be: the good and the bad.
Up until the age of 16, I thought I would be a veterinarian, then I got a job at a vet office. At the time I was obsessed with CSI so I changed the idea of my future to forensic psychologist. Then I got to college and thought, "math teacher!" Three years later, two math classes failed I decided maybe math wasn't the direction I should go. At the time I had a job working with at-risk youth and decided to go back into psychology and go on to get my masters in counseling. Fast forward another three years, I am completely burnt out at school and feeling pretty burnt out at work as well.
Don't get me wrong, I love what I do but it is a draining job. I am a very compassionate-empathetic person and take on a lot of the grief that the kids have. I have gotten a lot better at being able to take myself out of their problems but I don't know that I don't want to not feel what they are feeling. What happens in a few more years when I don't hurt when I hear a story about abuse? I don't want to become hard, emotionless.
This feeling is a big reason why I decided to take the next year off, I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I kind of think it sucks that I have to make that decision. Next Monday I have an appointment with a career advisor to help me decide my future. I really hope I can figure something out because I don't want to be stuck in Laramie the rest of my life. I also want to do something worthwhile with my future!