Saturday, November 27, 2010

Going Insane

I rarely stop moving, stop thinking, or stop doing. Even when I am sleeping, I thrash about. I often read books twice over because I can't focus enough to get much meaningful from them. I don't know why I pay for the theater because often my mind is lost in thoughts. I should have someone with me constantly, whether they are talking or not because I should not be left to my own devices.
This week, I have been lucky enough to have my mom and my sister with me. We didn't do much but it was great to have someone with me. When they left, I cleaned, which I often do to relieve stress or anger. I think today I was stressed being alone. I made chili, I watched a lot of boring tv, I stared into facebook way too much, drank one too many glasses of wine, and I did little of great importance. I also cleaned to keep my mind from wandering. Since I have no one keeping me in check, I have to do it myself.
I wonder what would happen if I was left alone for too long. Would I do something I regret? Would I go mentally insane? Wouldn't that be terrible if I went crazy?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Quarter Life Crisis... this is real

So I have been talking about this topic as a joke with a couple friends but looking deeper into the topic... it is a real problem. I have italicized the characteristics (which I retrieved from wikipedia) that I am personally struggling with...

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

  • realizing that the pursuits of one's peers are useless
  • confronting their own mortality
  • watching time slowly take its toll on their parents, only to realize they are next
  • insecurity regarding the fact that their actions are meaningless
  • insecurity concerning ability to love themselves, let alone another person
  • insecurity regarding present accomplishments
  • re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
  • lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration, and involuntary celibacy
  • disappointment with one's job
  • nostalgia for university, college, high school, middle school or elementary school life
  • tendency to hold stronger opinions
  • boredom with social interactions
  • loss of closeness to high school and college friends
  • financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
  • loneliness, depression and suicidal tendencies
  • desire to have children
  • a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than oneself
  • frustration with social skills

As you can see, I am full swing quarter life crisis and pretty much have no optimism for my own life. When will it end?!!?!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Love is the Answer

Since when did having an easy life mean that you are doing thing, that you are following God's will? I am sure most people have thought about God's will, whether they are religious or not... (What does God want me to do with my life? Why would God let this happen? etc...) My brother wrote a blog about God's will that I think answered a few questions that people ask. It is pretty good, you should read it.

This is not that blog though, this blog is once again my personal venting post. It seems that when I talk to people about school, work, or love they tell me to pray about it and seek God's will. Really, what does that look like? If I am following God's will does it mean my life will be posh and easy? No! Was Christ's life easy? Certainly not and I would like to think he was following God's will, after all he was God's son.

I find it hard to believe that I am not following God's will. I am serving kids daily, being an example of living a good life. Have I made mistakes along the way? I certainly have, but I have learned from them. Just because life is hard doesn't mean you aren't doing the right thing. Remember, God wants us to follow his commandment...

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself" -Matthew 22:37-39

So in all you do... LOVE!