New puppy, BCM retreat, and work struggles.

Sarah got a puppy!  How exciting!  He is an adorable black and white border collie, his name is Jackson.  Olive is being more tolerant than I thought she would be.  She seems to be having fun playing with him, not being too rough.  He hasn't had an accident in the house yet and is responding to his name (it has only been 52 hours).

Also, I was having some struggles at work.  When I first started at the boys house a year ago there was an incident with a boy having sex with one of the girls (from the girl's house) and it occurred at the house I work at on my shift, not good for me.  After the experience though, I took from it what I could and used it with working with the boys.  I have learned a lot over the last year and pride myself in how hard I work.  Well, recently one of the girls told the counselor that she had made out with one of the boys during the new years eve party our house threw... I was working.  Now this is not good, especially because of my first incident.  I am upset this happened, not because I feel the boy that did it broke my trust or anything, I know I can't trust these kids (they are in treatment for a reason) but because I work so hard at my job and take pride in my work and because of this action I feel like I am looked down on and seen as irresponsible. 

I was reassured by my coworkers that they don't think that of me but there is this piece in me that is devastated.  So much so, that during our team meeting we have every Wednesday, I cried.  I hadn't cried since December 27, 2008 when I hugged my mom goodbye and here I am crying in the midst of people I barely know.  It isn't that I think crying is bad or anything, I just don't cry, it isn't me.  So when I do cry it is usually over something quite large.

This last week too, I had a friend have a heart attack.  It is scary when your 26 year old friend has a heart attack.  First, I am scared for her, I don't know what to say to her to offer comfort.  Second, 26 year olds don't have heart attacks!  What if I lose her?!?!  She is a good friend and I hope she finds comfort and the doctors figure out what is wrong with her.

Because of the weeks events everything else became more difficult also, I just didn't go to school last week.  Which isn't a good decision to make when you have a test and a paper due.  Luckily I have an optional final in the class and the paper wasn't worth much.

This weekend was awesome though.  We had our state BCM winter retreat!  The BCM retreats are always fun.  This year we went to Thermopolis Wyoming and played in the hot springs and saw lots of deer.  We also had a nice drive getting to know people and bonding closer together as a group. 

Peace only mother's can bring

I am a rational person that is always questioning why stuff happens and what should I do.  I try to calm myself down and say there is nothing you need to do, just let it happen but it isn't until I talk to my mom that I seem to feel that peace that I am longing for. 

I am so thankful my mom is such a wise woman and there to talk to me about anything.  She not only has loads of insight and experience but is (just like me) good at putting herself in the situation and saying okay, think about it like this.  My mom is a wonderful lady and I LOVE her so much!

Pissed to Tears

Yeah, I didn't know it could happen until tonight either!  So, what happened to make Daffney not only pissed but also, cry and show emotion?  Well, it seems one person has that power lately, Tess.  Most of you may not know Tess, lucky you, but I do and I have watched her ruin more than one friends life.  She is a liar and a deceiver and it seems she is only out to hurt people.

Well, this young woman was engaged to one of my friends and she has officially turned his world upside down by driving away his best friend and she slept with another man while she and my friend were still engaged.  Oh, yes, below the belt!  Yet, she seems to have round up a small posse of Tess followers into believing that she is in a relationship with the Lord God and that is why her relationship status says "in a relationship".  Now, I am not one for swearing and I am going to apologize ahead but "WHAT THE FUCK??????????"

Ugh, I have never been so frustrated before!  I am sooooooo happy that her ex-fiance/my friend, cannot see what is occurring because I think he would flip a lid!  Not only that, but I can only imagine what he is going through right now.  I am only seeing the surface of her actions, what I have seen and what he has shared but can you imagine being the one actually going through that?

I hope and pray the truth comes to the surface and that she cannot deceive anymore!

How Deep the Father’s Love for Us

How deep the father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure.

That He should give his only son to make a wretch a treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss. The father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory.

 

Behold the man upon a cross, my sin upon his shoulders.

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held him there until it was accomplished;

His dying breath has brought me life.

I know that it is finished.

 

I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no pow’r, no wisdom.

But I will boast in Jesus Christ: His death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer.

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom.

 

Words and Music by Stuart Townend

Olive and the Snow

She loves it so much so I thought I would post a couple of pictures!

Love is in the air.

I don't really know what I am feeling right now  but I wish I wasn't.  Now based on the title you may be put off by that sentence but I am not the one in love, I am the observer, making me jealous.  I hate when I am jealous.  Why am I jealous?  Because everyone and their dog is getting married or dating someone or has some kind of potential and where am I?  Alone, with my dog, sad. 

Not that it is really that sad.  I am happy, until I start comparing myself with others.  Why is it I can't just be happy in the situation I am in?  I have a good job, good friends, I am enjoying school, I have a new car, and I am busy!  Yet, three people, this week have become engaged, what the heck!?!?  I mean, I don't want to be engaged right now but sometime, in the future, I would like to be.  Is there anything wrong with that?  UGH! 

Is there anything wrong with wanting to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, a man to protect and hold you?  But no, I am stuck with Sarah and Olive!  Haha, that sounds awful!  I love Sarah, she is one of my best friends and I love Olive, she is my wonderful dog but I certainly can't make a future with either of them, can I?  Sure, I see them in my future but I don't see them making a future with me!

I am sure I will get over my jealousy.  I am happy for each of these people, I am but really, when is my turn?

The nicest person award goes to... me?

Am I too nice?  Is there such a thing as being too nice?  I find it hard to believe that anyone can be too nice.  Is it maybe that others are not nice enough?  Christ states in John 15:17 "This is my command: Love each other."  Isn't being nice part of showing love?  I guess the next question is, "what is love?"  Simple enough it seems.  People fall in love every day but I also see people fall out of love quickly.  I see the traumatic lives the kids I work with have led and I wonder, "would they be here if they had been loved?"  I can't answer that but based on my observations and studies I would say "no!" 

So, what is love?  Is love the twitter you get in your heart when you see the person you are crushing on?  Or maybe it is that warm feeling you get when you get a card from a grandparent, for no reason other than that you are their grandchild.  Could it be that love is what you feel on your wedding day, looking into the eyes of the one you want to spend the rest of life with.  Is it when you do an act for someone without them knowing it was you?  OR, that feeling you get walking through the park with your dog in complete silence.  Maybe it is all of these.  The world has many definitions of what love is but my favorite is found in the Bible

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." ~1John 3:16-18

I think this verse sums up nicely that I am not too nice and you can't be too nice.  Coming into work for someone who is sick is good, lending a friend $100 is generous, writing your grandparents emails, I am sure is much appreciated, helping someone paint their room even though you're afraid of standing on ladders is helpful; but shouldn't we be doing this because Christ laid down his life for us, not because we are wanting some monetary reward? 

I hope, that my life shines as an example to others.  Not because I want to feel good about myself or because I will benefit from it later but because it is the right thing to do.  I often wonder why I continuously go to work when I know I am probably going to get the "F" bomb dropped to my ears sometime that day but I know that these kids need to be loved.  I could easily stop money going to United Way, but what is $20 a month?  If it means I have to skip a meal then so be it but I am not doing it because I have to or for a reward later on.  I am doing because someone out there has probably had to skip more than one meal.

Though today, nay, this year has been stressful; I think it has been one in which I have grown immensely and am continuously growing as a believer in Christ and personally.  I will continue to give until I have no more to give, in which case, I will be dead!