Peace only mother's can bring

I am a rational person that is always questioning why stuff happens and what should I do.  I try to calm myself down and say there is nothing you need to do, just let it happen but it isn't until I talk to my mom that I seem to feel that peace that I am longing for. 

I am so thankful my mom is such a wise woman and there to talk to me about anything.  She not only has loads of insight and experience but is (just like me) good at putting herself in the situation and saying okay, think about it like this.  My mom is a wonderful lady and I LOVE her so much!

Pissed to Tears

Yeah, I didn't know it could happen until tonight either!  So, what happened to make Daffney not only pissed but also, cry and show emotion?  Well, it seems one person has that power lately, Tess.  Most of you may not know Tess, lucky you, but I do and I have watched her ruin more than one friends life.  She is a liar and a deceiver and it seems she is only out to hurt people.

Well, this young woman was engaged to one of my friends and she has officially turned his world upside down by driving away his best friend and she slept with another man while she and my friend were still engaged.  Oh, yes, below the belt!  Yet, she seems to have round up a small posse of Tess followers into believing that she is in a relationship with the Lord God and that is why her relationship status says "in a relationship".  Now, I am not one for swearing and I am going to apologize ahead but "WHAT THE FUCK??????????"

Ugh, I have never been so frustrated before!  I am sooooooo happy that her ex-fiance/my friend, cannot see what is occurring because I think he would flip a lid!  Not only that, but I can only imagine what he is going through right now.  I am only seeing the surface of her actions, what I have seen and what he has shared but can you imagine being the one actually going through that?

I hope and pray the truth comes to the surface and that she cannot deceive anymore!

How Deep the Father’s Love for Us

How deep the father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure.

That He should give his only son to make a wretch a treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss. The father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory.

 

Behold the man upon a cross, my sin upon his shoulders.

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held him there until it was accomplished;

His dying breath has brought me life.

I know that it is finished.

 

I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no pow’r, no wisdom.

But I will boast in Jesus Christ: His death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer.

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom.

 

Words and Music by Stuart Townend

Olive and the Snow

She loves it so much so I thought I would post a couple of pictures!

Love is in the air.

I don't really know what I am feeling right now  but I wish I wasn't.  Now based on the title you may be put off by that sentence but I am not the one in love, I am the observer, making me jealous.  I hate when I am jealous.  Why am I jealous?  Because everyone and their dog is getting married or dating someone or has some kind of potential and where am I?  Alone, with my dog, sad. 

Not that it is really that sad.  I am happy, until I start comparing myself with others.  Why is it I can't just be happy in the situation I am in?  I have a good job, good friends, I am enjoying school, I have a new car, and I am busy!  Yet, three people, this week have become engaged, what the heck!?!?  I mean, I don't want to be engaged right now but sometime, in the future, I would like to be.  Is there anything wrong with that?  UGH! 

Is there anything wrong with wanting to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, a man to protect and hold you?  But no, I am stuck with Sarah and Olive!  Haha, that sounds awful!  I love Sarah, she is one of my best friends and I love Olive, she is my wonderful dog but I certainly can't make a future with either of them, can I?  Sure, I see them in my future but I don't see them making a future with me!

I am sure I will get over my jealousy.  I am happy for each of these people, I am but really, when is my turn?

The nicest person award goes to... me?

Am I too nice?  Is there such a thing as being too nice?  I find it hard to believe that anyone can be too nice.  Is it maybe that others are not nice enough?  Christ states in John 15:17 "This is my command: Love each other."  Isn't being nice part of showing love?  I guess the next question is, "what is love?"  Simple enough it seems.  People fall in love every day but I also see people fall out of love quickly.  I see the traumatic lives the kids I work with have led and I wonder, "would they be here if they had been loved?"  I can't answer that but based on my observations and studies I would say "no!" 

So, what is love?  Is love the twitter you get in your heart when you see the person you are crushing on?  Or maybe it is that warm feeling you get when you get a card from a grandparent, for no reason other than that you are their grandchild.  Could it be that love is what you feel on your wedding day, looking into the eyes of the one you want to spend the rest of life with.  Is it when you do an act for someone without them knowing it was you?  OR, that feeling you get walking through the park with your dog in complete silence.  Maybe it is all of these.  The world has many definitions of what love is but my favorite is found in the Bible

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." ~1John 3:16-18

I think this verse sums up nicely that I am not too nice and you can't be too nice.  Coming into work for someone who is sick is good, lending a friend $100 is generous, writing your grandparents emails, I am sure is much appreciated, helping someone paint their room even though you're afraid of standing on ladders is helpful; but shouldn't we be doing this because Christ laid down his life for us, not because we are wanting some monetary reward? 

I hope, that my life shines as an example to others.  Not because I want to feel good about myself or because I will benefit from it later but because it is the right thing to do.  I often wonder why I continuously go to work when I know I am probably going to get the "F" bomb dropped to my ears sometime that day but I know that these kids need to be loved.  I could easily stop money going to United Way, but what is $20 a month?  If it means I have to skip a meal then so be it but I am not doing it because I have to or for a reward later on.  I am doing because someone out there has probably had to skip more than one meal.

Though today, nay, this year has been stressful; I think it has been one in which I have grown immensely and am continuously growing as a believer in Christ and personally.  I will continue to give until I have no more to give, in which case, I will be dead!

The new car

Just thought I would share pictures of my new car with you all!  I am so happy this "oil change" mess is over with and I can finally move on.  I am sad to see the Blazer go but excited to be driving a sweet Audi!

It is a 2001 Audi A4 1.8T.  Has 70,400 miles on it, a sunroof, tinted windows, and is just so beautiful!

My 23rd Birthday

My birthday was a blast!  I went on a brewery tour in Colorado.  My roommates, Sarah and Tori, took me to the New Belgium Factory and to the Anheuser Busch Factory.  We had lots of free beer and fun!  Budweiser has a new blueberry beer that is addicting and wonderful and New Belgium is just awesome!  You really can't go wrong with any of New Belgium's beers, seriously!

Here are a few pictures of our good time!  Oh, the Budweiser Clydesdales are AWESOME and very spoiled!

Today

So I rarely write on days events but today I thought was particularly interesting.  First, I found out I am not the only one that Plains Tire gypped.  Yes, that is right, I found out a classmate went through the same thing with them, ugh!  Stupid Plains Tire!!!!!  Also, I learned Utah is more stupid than I thought.  They have outlawed malt beverages from grocers (ie Smirnoff, Bacardi, Mike's) but they don't have the correct labels for liquor stores.  Oh Utah, when will they learn!

Yesterday was the last day I could drive my car, SUCK!  I hope and pray Plains gets their poop in a group so that I can get my new engine and drive!

Also, I was thinking about responsibility.  Yes, I have thought about it before but it seems as you grow up the meaning changes.  For example, I just had someone tell me her half brother is going to jail and he has custody over his kids, his wife is already in prison.  This person (lets call her Hailey) is the only person that can take the kids or they will go to state custody.  Some would argue it is her responsibility to take care of the kids but I wonder, is it?  Think, she is single, 30 something, don't you think if she wanted kids she would have them?  Who says she wants these kids, or has the time for them?  Her whole life is changed because her half brother can't seem to handle his own life!

Sometimes I think, can my life get worse?  Well, it obviously can get a lot worse.  Thank God I have the friends and family I do, an amazing support system!  For everyone going through something, out of their control, that is ripping their life up, I am praying for you and thanking God it isn't me!  Heck, I even feel bad for those who are screwing their own lives up!

Denver Seminary

Last Friday I went and visited Denver Seminary to see if it is a school I want to go to and I LOVE it!!!  I spent Friday finding out what Denver Seminary is about, their strengths and weaknesses, community involvement, and I thought about the person I am and would I be good in a school like this.  I definitely think I will grow immensely in this school not only in my faith but also in the person I am and want to be.  I am looking at the Counseling Licensure program and hope to get in and get some scholarships and save some money to pay for school.  Grad school and Denver is a lot more expensive than UW and Laramie!!!  After visiting the Seminary I have a new fervor for school, hopefully I can maintain the excitement of the future!

Though this weekend was a wonderful weekend it has been full of stress and now I am sick AND the stupid squirrels stole ALL the heads to my sunflowers!!!  I was so angry and sad.  This week and weekend I am hoping I can get caught up and homework and start feeling better.

Not much else going on in my life recently.  I am turning 23 on October 2nd.  I hope to go to Colorado and go on a brewery tour.  I really want to go to Anheuser Busch because I want to see the Clydesdales but I would settle for another brewery like Odell or New Belgium... we'll see.  My friends trial is coming up the 3rd of October so I might just go and support them.

Growing Up

It seems I have a lot of these blogs, the ones where I go off on how unfair life is and how tired I am of becoming an adult but all at the same time I wouldn't trade it for being twelve.  Well, it seems it is about that time again.  If you actually read this then you have heard about my friends that were in the car accident and someone died... well, this week they got a court summons.  They shouldn't have to go to court, they shouldn't have to be dealing with this.  They are good people, they didn't go out and murder someone, someone died because that person wasn't wearing a seatbelt, it was an ACCIDENT!!!!  I just wish I could make them feel better but there is only so much I can do.

Also, my car is slowly starting to succumb to it's faulty oil change from July.  You may be asking, faulty oil change.  Well, an integral part about an oil change is getting oil put back in your car... that is right, they didn't put oil in my car after paying them 45, FORTY-FIVE dollars to do so.  UGH!

Let us see, what else.  Mostly I am bogged down with school.  I am amazed with how much homework I have this semester.  One of my classes I have more homework in it than my other three combined, so sad.  I just hope I can get in the groove of things and make it all work out.

On a lighter, less complaining, note...  here are some of my sunflowers.  Slightly retarded and gimpy but still beautiful.  One day I caught a big bumble bee on one of them.  It was cool!

Some End of the Summer Fun

I have been needing to update this for sometime...  Here are a few pictures of South Carolina, Vegas, and other random adventures.  I had a blast in S.C.!  I saw baby loggerhead turtles make their way out to see, saw a few alligators, saw some dolphins, saw a black tipped shark, collected tons of sea shells, found a sharks tooth, and just had a BLAST with family!!!

Fishing one day.  The second we cast the line we were pulling it back in with a fish.

Above is a vending machine for cigarettes and a power pole with gum.

Above is a small shopping center that over looks the bay in Charleston, pretty, pretty.

 

It was my first time to Vegas this summer and I had a great time.  Glad I don't live there but it was loads of fun.  I also did some more hikes at the end of the summer and have one more planned for Labor day weekend before it starts snowing!

The above photos is the view from our hotel room.

It was Rachel's 21st birthday (the reason we went)!

Below are some pictures from a recent hike, one more to go for the season.  Medicine Bow, here we come!!!

The Garden

I took a few pictures of flowers I have planted and of flowers already hanging out around the house.  I love the pots on the porch but my pride and joy are my sunflowers!  A couple of them have gotten blossoms since I took the photos, so exciting!!!

 

Hiking and Yellowstone Adventure

In June I went to Yellowstone with a few friends, here are some pictures of that and of some hiking adventures since then...

This is a beautiful valley in Yellowstone, pretty sure this is when we saw the bald eagle.  Next to it is upper falls, pretty freaking huge.  And according to one man I overheard, "the most amazing thing" he had ever seen!

 

These are two geysers.  I don't remember which two but it doesn't make them any less beautiful!

Here is a very small sampling of the wild life we saw.  A beaver and some rams.  We also saw a couple black bears, elk, moose, bison, bald eagle, marmots, coyotes, and other random animals unimportant enough for me to forget.

NOW, here are a few pictures from a few recent hikes...

Olive is an amazing rock climber, way better then me and better at finding easier ways to get up then I can.

 

Here are a couple pictures of the aftermath of a hike.  I have never seen so much still standing water!  We were way gross afterwards but we had a lot of fun!

Goals

Sometimes I think it is difficult to work on what you want because you can't see yourself going anywhere with it.  I am a psych major and was a math major and both seem so worthless, where will I be after I graduate (if I graduate, haha, that is how I feel now)?  It seemed my efforts were fruitless, why try?  There is so much I want to do, so much I have a passion for but I couldn't seem to get a grasp on how to do what I love.  Not only that but it takes so long to get to the point you can go after those things, all the education and experience that is needed!

Well, recently I have had a few more ideas for how to gain my goals in life.  I went down to Denver recently and saw some old friends, DJ Summers, and Amber and Jared Phifer, it was awesome!  Amber told me about Denver Seminary and I looked stuff up about it and am pretty excited about the possibility of going to this school.  It looks amazing and it is in Denver which is a great place (not being in Utah or freezing Wyoming).  Now it seems my goal is this, instead of focusing on everything I want to do, focus on getting into Denver Seminary or one similar to it, then focus on doing the things I want to do.

 

PS.  For those of you who don't know ALL the things I want to do, here is a sample.  Many of you know, I LOVE animals...  I want to change animal welfare, I think there are so many amazing animals out there and they deserve a home.  Raising awareness about homeless animals and animal shelters.  Teaching people about why animals behave they do and what animals need, I think people are ill-equipped with knowledge they need about pets. 

I want to change the lives of children, starting from the beginning with their parents so they have a chance.  I have gotten to know too many kids whose parents don't care anything about their child, abusing them and giving them drugs; it is no wonder the kids I work with are messed up, they would be better off with crap for parents.  I also want to bring in some sort of program to promote animals into therapy.  In fact, out of all the things I want to do that is probably top of the list.

As many of you know I have been training Olive as a therapy dog and I think it is amazing.  Olive makes my job so much easier.  If I have her with me the kids positively respond to me 10 times better, not only that but staff that come in after me have commented that they know there job is going to be easier that day, just because they see me leave with Olive.  I think it would be great if we could implement programs into hospitals, therapy facilities, and schools.  The list is endless.

Anyway, that is a short list but it covers the biggest things!

What God is teaching me...

Have you ever seen Evan Almighty?  I think I like it more than Bruce Almighty for one reason, the theme.  God doesn't just give us what we pray for, he gives us situations in which we can learn and grow from.  I have been learning pretty hard core lately about life and what it means.  Recently, I have been praying "why?"  that is it.  Why don't I feel good enough?  Why isn't life easier?  Did you know I have a pretty easy life?  Yeah, my parents don't abuse me, in fact they pay my college tuition and pretty much send me money whenever I need it.  I have made good choices my whole life and have never been addicted to drugs or alcohol.  Heck, I haven't had hardly any close people to me die, I am not in debt, pregnant or divorced.  I have it easy.  Yet, I still think my life is hard and could get easier, sad.

It does seem though, God is using my friends and the kids I work with how good my life really is.  And not only that but these people have a totally different background and what I see as failure they see as complete success.  I have also had to go through some tough times with friends.  A few of my friends were just in a car accident where someone died, how awful.  I can't imagine what grief they must be going through.  I wish I could help them and make them better and realize it wasn't their fault but I can't do that.  I pray that they do see it, that they can't live that day by "what if?"

People keep asking me, what do you want to do after you graduate?  Like graduating is really going to put me that much closer to my goal.  Guess what, I want to do pretty much what I am doing now just with less school involved and maybe some more money.  I want to enjoy my time with friends, I want to have fun at work, and I want to continue to try and change the world.  Whether that is continuing to "corrupt" more Baptists, or influencing a kid to make the right choice.  You don't have to change everything to change the world...  It is that one thing you do that makes a difference.  It isn't you graduating college, or you making your parents proud.  I hope that my life right now is reflective of what I want to do after I finish college; change the world.

Hectic

My life has been super hectic, exciting, and stressful!  I think I will start with the most recent and work my way back.  *clears throat*  Today I had lunch with Mike, Jamie, and Noah, it made me happy!  Yesterday I drove to Denver about 7 pm to pick some friends up who were in a car accident there, it was sad.  One of the people involve in the accident died, very emotional trip.  Of course, Friday night I worked the overnight and when we went to pick them up Saturday night, I hadn't slept since Friday at 11am.  By the time we got back in Laramie I had slept 2 hours in 36, that sucks.

Recently, I got back from Utah after seeing Daisy graduate and hanging out with friends.  I miss my friends, especially Brandon, Rachel, and Clare.  I wish I could see them more often.  While home I went to a church softball game, went hiking (kind-a sort-a) and went to a campfire.  I also vandalized Brandon's motorcycle with flowers and watched a lot of House. 

Before going home to Utah I was spending time with my very prego friend Susan, who is in fact, no longer pregnant because she had a beautiful baby boy after 20 hours of labor and a C-section.  Hanging out with Susan is always fun!  Before going to see Susan I was moving out of my house and moving into the BCM house.  Also, during that week of moving I worked 65 hours and there was a tornado.  Somehow, I got into the BCM on my one day off.  I am happy to be in the BCM but I would trade it if Dan and Christen would come back, I miss them.  I also think Olive is weirded out by living in Elli's house.  But of course, my dog is amazing and she gets over things easily!

So, now you know a very shortened version of how hectic my life has been.  Hopefully my work schedule will allow for more time to do things I need to.  Also, I am pretty stoked about trips this summer.  I am going to Yellowstone (hopefully), South Carolina, Vegas, and going to see Foo Fighters at Red Rocks in Colorado!

Hope everyone is having a less stressful life then me...  I hope at least mine calms down enough so I can keep this updated like I was.

Compromising positions

Today was a blast.  I had a wedding to go to today but skipped it because of events this week and went hiking and saw Prince Caspian and went to the bar and got a couple drinks with friends.  It was just what I needed after a long couple of days.  Now, I need to go to bed for work in the morning but thought I would share a few of my pictures from hiking today.  My roommate Sarah and I went up to Veedauwoo and did the Turtle Rock trail.  It is a beautiful trail, full of beautiful rock formations and random ponds and "waterfalls".

 

Note, in the left of the photo there is a beautiful "waterfall"!!!  LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The two above are a few of the amazing rock formations you can see on the Turtle Rock trail.

 

This is one of the ponds we saw, it was full of frog sounds, though we didn't see any.

 

 

 

 

 

When you make the picture bigger, note the gopher staring at us from the rock above us at the left. 

 

 

 

 

Hope you enjoy the pictures.  It is so much more amazing in person but I am sure you can see how beautiful it is from the photos.  Also, I am excited to take my mountain bike up there!  Was it worth missing a wedding for?  I don't know.  I do know it helped me recoup from this week, which I am sure a wedding wouldn't have helped.

Not good enough

Sometimes, your best isn't good enough.  Sad to think about, isn't it?  But so true.  Though, after several times of my best not being good enough, I have learned that my best doesn't need to be good enough or else I would be perfect and that isn't possible unless I am the Lord... and I don't want that kind of responsibility!  It seems I am overwhelmed with the little responsibilities I already do have.

I find myself asking, "why is life so hard?"  Well, it isn't going to get easier, so I better get used to it and enjoy what I do have and the things that make my life fun and worthwhile.  Events this weekend have kind of sent me into a bout of depression.  Unfortunately it is work related and I can't talk about it on my blog but it was pretty serious, involving at least one arrest.

Hopefully tomorrow I will find comfort in a short hike and a movie.  I was supposed to go to a wedding but I don't think I am in the right mental state for that after this weeks events.  I will miss seeing it but I think it will be better for me to take some time out and relaxing and recouping.

Love is for everyone

As most of you know I work at Cathedral Home for Children, which is like a detention center slash rehabilitation center for kids.  I have been working there since September and have experienced a lot in that short time.  My second week there I almost had my car stolen, resulting in $700 of damage.  I learned to not trust these kids and always lock your keys up when you get to work.  This week though I learned something that I think has changed my whole perspective of my job.  Okay, so maybe learned isn't a good word, more like I realized something that I knew.

Today I realized that everyone needs love, whether it is the kid that has abusive parents or the kid who has a loving family, both need to be loved.  Part of my job is helping these kids in their treatment but today I realized that the most important role I have isn't helping them in their treatment but just loving them.  Not because these kids did anything that deserve my love more than others but because Jesus loves everyone and that is what he calls everyone to do...

"The first and greatest commandment is 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Mt 22:37-40

I work with four high school age boys, believe me I get irritated and there is one that does an amazing job of working my nerves but I still need to love him and in fact I probably need to love on him more because he is the one that calls attention and seems to need it more.  Isn't it funny how the hardest thing to do is the only thing that needs to be done?

Don't get me wrong, I have been a loving person all my life, as I am sure everyone I know has witnessed but today it meant something to me.  I realized why it was important to love.  It just seems giving my love to friends is something they expect because well, you love your friends.  These kids though, they are in treatment, I think often times, because they weren't loved enough; at least they didn't feel like they were, so they don't expect it but it doesn't mean they don't deserve it.  I hope, that no matter how these kids end up in life, that they know, I love them.

Hiking in the Nice Weather

The last few days have been gorgeous outside!  So I have taken advantage of it.  Monday I went on a 6 mile bike ride, it was fantastic!  Then Tuesday after my final that morning I went on a 3.5 mile hike, which was fun though it could have been a lot better!  The thing about Wyoming is there is still snow anywhere you would go hiking right now.  I went with my roommate Sarah and on the way out it was fine, a lot of snow drifts we walked over.  It wasn't until we were near the end that I kept falling through the snow drifts.  Now when you fall into ice up to your knees, it hurts! 

 

We reached the summit (above) and had some water and granola to let my legs warm up.  This trail is called the summit loop well, there was sooo much snow on the other half of the loop that it turned out being the summit get-to-the-high-point-and-turn-around loop.  There was so much snow on the second half of the loop that we were afraid we wouldn't be able to find the trail and that we would fall into a drift a bit further than a knee, in which case we would be in trouble because Olive isn't a husky and can't pull us out of a chasm.

 

Lucky for us (hint the sarcasm), on the way back the sun had warmed the snow we weren't falling through earlier and we just kept going through.  We got really good at getting out of it without losing our shoes!  All around it was a fun hike and we saw some good sights but it would be a lot more enjoyable minus 2 feet of snow!